But Summer, why is it always a midget that is possessed by Satan, you ask? Well, three reasons. One, let’s face it; little people are much easier to levitate than your standard size host. C’mon, I know we’ve all seen the Exorcist, The Omen, and Rosemary’s Baby. I mean, let’s face the facts. Demon possession always happens to little kids and midgets. (I don’t want to mention any names, but I think somebody’s gotten a little lazy in their quest to take over the world). Seriously? Who can’t levitate a 40 pound 8 year old? I want to see some demons that can possess Bubba from the truck stop and levitate a 350 pounder 20 feet into the air. Now THAT’S entertainment.
Two, not only are they a breeze to levitate, they are also much easier to contort. Ever tried getting your ankles around your neck and crawling around like a creepy crab? Well, there was that one time in college…. (o-kay, well, that time doesn’t count, and you should probably just keep that to yourself). Anyway, everyone knows that it is much easier when you have stubby legs and a non-existent torso. (Again, the least you can do is put forth a little effort, Captain Howdy.)
Third, we need to examine the creepiness factor. Sure, you have your average everyday demon climbing around on the walls, hissing and spitting profanities. What could be creepier than that? (No, not the guy from your office with the greasy hair that smells like pork rinds.) But I’ll tell you what is. A demon-possessed midget. When you hear one of those little suckers start chanting, ♪ Blitzen, blitzen wenig gestirn. Wie frage ich mich
Touché’, demons… Touché’.
So, really, when you think about it, maybe Satan is doing the midgets a favor. Let’s face it, who needs the power of levitation more than a midget? Couldn’t reach that coffee cup on the top shelf? No longer a problem. Bookcase needed dusting? Not anymore! The only real drawback I can think of is that backwards head-spinning thing. OOOhh.. and of course, the uncontrollable craving for pea soup…..
Haha...too funny!
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