Some of you might expect your ghost experience to consist of Patrick Swayze sitting behind you while you mold a coffee mug or something like that. Not so. That chick ended up dating Ashton Kutcher... and he's a super-douche. You just can't trust an image portrayed by somebody who would date that tool. Plus... Whoopi Goldberg was in that movie, and I'm still not convinced that she's human.
"What am I? An alien? I don't even know."
- She didn't say that... but she probably did.
Side Note: Speaking of Swayze, if somebody comes across Patrick Swayze and Chris Farley doing a ghostly Chippendale dance together, you better not smite them. The first thing you should do is call me... and I mean FRICKIN' NOW! I wanna see those guys. -- RIP Mr. Farley and Mr. Swayze. Recognize.
Anyway, let's see what a real ghost experience is like. It's not pretty. Let's take it step-by-step.
1. You and Elkus decide you want to go get some corn dogs to go along with your Cheetos. Seems reasonable. Climb down from the tree-house and find some corn dogs.
2. Eat your corn dogs. Simple. Enjoy that delicious frank that has been deep-fried in golden glory. If you're Jewish, have no fear. They make Kosher franks. They're still pretty good. Just throw some mustard on those bad boys.
3. You return to your tree-house to find an old lady skeleton knitting a scarf. She's in a rocker that wasn't there before. She was a crazy cat lady when she was alive, so little ghost cats are running around spraying everything with their ghost pee. It's disgusting.
4. Scream and fall out of the tree-house. It's going to happen. Don't worry, Elkus has big piles of straw and leaves at the bottom of the tree. He thinks ahead... because he's awesome.
5. Put your machete away, you can't chop off a ghost's head. It's just not feasible.
6. She's still around because she needs something settled. Normally, with old lady ghosts... it's something like the Five and Dime wouldn't accept their coupons and they want revenge. Just go down to the convenient store and kindly explain that you need them to accept a coupon that has been expired for a decade. Explain that if they won't, an old-crazy-cat-lady-ghost is going to haunt them. They'll comply. They always do.
7. After she's at peace over the coupon thing, she'll float on up... or down. I can't say either way.
8. You should probably change your pants, because you know that you crapped yourself when you fell out of the tree-house. Those corn dogs seem to fly through you. They're still wonderful, though. You know it. I know it.
Okay, well I hope this was helpful for your ghost-type situations. Stay strong.
